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Sardinia Settimanale I

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Sardinia Marks Victory in War

The Kingdom of Sardinia is marking a week since its victory in war with France. On June 29, the King of France began to settle in Sardinia's northern island of Corsica with permission from the King of Sardinia. The French king expressed his intent to flatten mountainous Corsica to make room for his summer home, which shocked the Sardinian King, who insisted that his guest not use TNT in any way on the island. The French responded with the outrageous claim that Corsica was part of France. The King of Sardinia, asserting his sovereignty over the island, warned that any use of TNT or further claims to the island would be repressed by force of arms. Ignoring him, France proceeded to detonate TNT as Sardinian forces rushed to the scene. Sardinia declared war and after a short pursuit, the King of Sardinia killed the King of France in the Strait of Bonifacio, leaving his belongings to sink to the sea floor. The King returned triumphant to Caralis, considering the matter settled.

The King of France lived in this dwelling in southern Corsica preceding the war. At the time, the King of Sardinia lived in a similar dwelling in the side of the Gennargentus Mountains. As shown, the space in front of the dwelling suffered TNT damage. The interior contained chests, a tunnel leading to mines, and small farms. It has since been cleared following French settlement in Aix-en-Provence.

The King returned to peacefully working on a construction project when the French king, unwilling to accept his shameful defeat, appeared. The angry Frenchman began to chop at a log the King was standing on, threatening to injure him. His Majesty retaliated furiously and lopped off his head at the foot of the new Aula Regia.

The King graciously returned the enemy's supplies but retained his dangerous ordinance, including flint and steel and three pieces of TNT. France angrily demanded the TNT be returned, and when the French king's demands would not stop, the King traveled to southern Corsica to return them in person, by placing and detonating the TNT around the French king's dwelling. When the French resisted, their king was slain once more.

Then, rather than face his adversary head-on, the King of France savagely bombed Sardinia's only farm and staple food supply. He was soon killed in the crater of his own making. He returned, this time bombing the inside of Sardinia's royal residence itself. Only the floor and ceiling were damaged, and the Sardinian King slew his French foe for the fifth and final time mere seconds after the explosion. Afterwards, the French king surrendered, and Sardinia declared victory in the Franco-Sardinian War, confiscating four pieces of TNT and another flint and steel which the French king had at the time of death.

The Kingdom of Sardinia claims Corsica as an integral and historical part of its territory, though budget constraints keep it from purchasing all the island's land.

France is suspected to retain a large and dangerous arsenal of TNT. Though the two nations have not reached an official resolution to the territorial dispute, Sardinia is racing to fund land protection and has vowed to exercise its full authority and sovereignty over both Sardinia and Corsica. In addition, it warns that any challenger to Sardinian sovereignty or the King's rule will be met with the same fate as the French king in the war.

French Infiltrate Palace, One Killed

Intruders made a tower on the northwestern corner of the palace and entered through an open hole in the roof. This is also where the French king was shot thrice and fell to his death.

Unease between the Sardinians and French appears not to have settled, as yesterday two armed Frenchmen towered up just outside Sardinia's border and entered the Aula Regia through the roof. As he was making his third attempt to tower up the roof, Sardinian self-defense forces shot and killed O_7337, ruler of Aix-En-Provence and de facto king of France. No damage was done by the foreigners, and palace security was upgraded after the incident.

Internal and External Crises in France

It was reported that not long ago the people of France were attacked by an assailant of no known national affiliation. He is said to have killed two people in France unprovoked, and may have had technological superiority over the defenders. France has warned other nations to beware of this marauder, who has also been seen in Sardinia.

Shortly after recovering from this attack, France experienced a financial crisis resulting in hundreds of dollars of loss in land holdings, as well as property damage. Before the palace intrusion incident, Sardinia sent foreign aid which helped the southeastern French town of Aix-en-Provence reestablish itself.

Sardinia Develops Apace


Following the completion of the Aula Regia, the Kingdom of Sardinia has attained complete territorial control over its home island at a cost of over $2,500. Despite this immense expense, it has maintained a tax rate of $5 per day, which is half the cost of daily upkeep. Meanwhile, the capital Caralis has been built swiftly. Chickens and sheep were recently imported and have been put in enclosures. Roads have been completed throughout the capital, as has been a public granary.

Several days ago Sardinia welcomed 8bitRobot into the Kingdom. He has since built a large tower as his residence and has been granted the title Subregulus Corsicae (Prince of Corsica).

In other news, according to the Server, the world has been saved several times today. We are all supremely grateful and relieved.

Sardinia Settimanale is the official international state newspaper of the Kingdom of Sardinia, covering domestic and international events.
Posted Jul 6, 18 · OP · Last edited Jul 6, 18
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I didn’t know the mines were once housing a French men.
Posted Jul 18, 18
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